Wow...so much has happened in the last few weeks. I am officially a single lady, Benefit show is over, I've graduated, and now I'm trying to work out how to spend the rest of my life. I know I'm really just trying to get a job that will start me on the path to a career, but it sounds more epic the other way. Regardless, being out of school but still working a part time job makes me reluctant to start getting serious about work right away. I'll take a few more weeks of relaxation so that I can have the energy to conquer the world.
My roommate brought up an interesting topic via my ex. Unconditional Love. Is it real? Does it exist in relationships between men and women? I don't believe it does to be honest. I see unconditional love as only being something you have for your immediate family members, and even then if you are not fulfilling your role as a decent parent/child/sibling then that love will not be as strong. I believe that you can love someone with all your heart for who they are, but if circumstances make it so, you can fall out of love while still loving them as people. If the person you're with is not inspiring you to be more than you are, if your personalities are essentially incompatible because your core values are so different, if you are in different stages of your life and one person feels caged in by guilt and restrictions, why is it fair to impose the idea of unconditional love on them? It's not. You should not force someone to be with you when doing so only makes them comfortable, but not happy. They may love you still for all you have had, but when you wake up and realize that you have hardly anything in common, it's time to move on.
I don't want to be faulted for that. I want to be as happy and successful as I can be, and I don't think that's wrong. So I unconditionally love the memory of what I had, but I deserve more, and so does my ex. I'm learning that a little more every day now.
~Keiko
Monday, June 6, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Dreams are Very Bizzare Things
I've been having the strangest dreams lately. Mostly centered around Culture Shock and various people in them. Usually it's the whole team as an entity in itself, but I've had a couple where individual people have stuck out. I think my stress from the team and emotions about the team are just playing out in my dreams. I had one in particular the other night. I wish I could put everything that happened down here but seeing as this is public and my dreams are private, I don't know how I would feel about that exactly. haha. All I can say is, in this dream, it felt like the other person was there...like actually there. Weirdest part? I was talking to them pretty frequently, but then after the dream, I haven't talked to them at all. We basically had an arguement. I forced him to answer a question I've had for a while but that I could never actually ask. Then I got angry, called us both on some bull shit, picked up my bag and went to my boyfriends house. I have never in my entire life had a dream that intense, real, and strange.
On other notes, haven't heard a word from my dad. If I still haven't heard anything in another week or so, then I think I can make the assumption he's going to just ignore everything. Oh well. If that's the case, at least I tried. And I'll try again somewhere down the line.
I'm glad I'm almost done with school. But it is scary. I really hope this job I'm going to apply for comes through. Just waiting to hear a confirmation so that I can send in my resume and everything. God the real world is terrifying. I hope I get at least a little vacation between jobs though. ^_^
~Keiko
On other notes, haven't heard a word from my dad. If I still haven't heard anything in another week or so, then I think I can make the assumption he's going to just ignore everything. Oh well. If that's the case, at least I tried. And I'll try again somewhere down the line.
I'm glad I'm almost done with school. But it is scary. I really hope this job I'm going to apply for comes through. Just waiting to hear a confirmation so that I can send in my resume and everything. God the real world is terrifying. I hope I get at least a little vacation between jobs though. ^_^
~Keiko
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Graduation/Writing to My Dad
So...I haven't talked to my dad in about a year now. He called me up about a year ago and basically accused me of being a horrible daughter. Nevermind that he hasn't been present for the majority of my life. It's taken me a year to even be ready to contact him. Essentially, I'm not going to excuse his bad behavior anymore. If he wants a relationship with me, he needs to work at it too. I honestly feel like he's a stranger, and his actions have just told me that he cares about me in his own way, but he doesn't want the responsibility of being a parent. I want to have a copy of the letter I'm sending him, so I'm putting it here.
"Dear Dad,
So, it's been about a year since the last time we talked. I don't know about you, but what I find to be the saddest about that is that it hasn't been that diferent from how it has always been.
The last time we talked did not turn out well for either of us. You were right about a few things. We don't have much of a relationship and honestly, we never have. We don't talk on the phone. And when I come up, I don't always get to see you. I think all of these things are because 1) we aren't very close, and 2) neither one of us makes much effort to do something about it anymore. Despite the many things that were said during that phone call, I'm assuming that the real point was that you do want a relationship between us. If that really is what you want, we both need to work on it. It's a two way street and we are going to have to meet in the middle. We can blame each other till the end of time about who did or didn't do what, but if we want to know each other, that isn't going to solve anything.
Some of the things you said you wanted me to do were, call you more often, try harder to see you when I visit Nor Cal, and let you know sooner when I'm coming up. I can do that, and I really do want to try. But, like I said, I need you to try too. If you really want to talk more, you can call me sometimes too. And if you really want to meet up with me when I'm in town, I hope you are willing to help me out. Most of the time, I don't have a car, so it's hard for me to go all the way to your place. Even if I do have a car, I've already driven 8 hours to get there, so I would appreciate if you would at least meet me halfway. I don't want to burdan my brothers everytime to drive me out anymore. Mike has two little babies and NIck is coming from far too.
If you are wondering why I chose to write this now, it's because of a lot of reasons. I'm graduating, and I didn't want you to thik that when I send you the announcement, I'm asking you for anything. But, it's times like this that I don't want you to miss. If you want to be my dad and I want to be your daughter, part of that is being there for the important times. I'm not expecting you to make the trip down here or anything, but I did want you to know. I want you to be there in the future when I get married, or have kids, or have other important times, and I want to be there for yours too.
You said to me that you are stubborn, well I am too, and I probably got that from you. But, if you want a relationship, don't you think being stubborn and not talking to each other is a silly way to go about that? We can keep doing this, but I'm trying to say that if you want to meet me halfway, I will meet you.
~Keiko"
I really cut it down from the original 15 page letter where I pointed out his failure as a father. I'm not expecting anything, but at least now I've done my part. Now to graduation!
~Keiko
"Dear Dad,
So, it's been about a year since the last time we talked. I don't know about you, but what I find to be the saddest about that is that it hasn't been that diferent from how it has always been.
The last time we talked did not turn out well for either of us. You were right about a few things. We don't have much of a relationship and honestly, we never have. We don't talk on the phone. And when I come up, I don't always get to see you. I think all of these things are because 1) we aren't very close, and 2) neither one of us makes much effort to do something about it anymore. Despite the many things that were said during that phone call, I'm assuming that the real point was that you do want a relationship between us. If that really is what you want, we both need to work on it. It's a two way street and we are going to have to meet in the middle. We can blame each other till the end of time about who did or didn't do what, but if we want to know each other, that isn't going to solve anything.
Some of the things you said you wanted me to do were, call you more often, try harder to see you when I visit Nor Cal, and let you know sooner when I'm coming up. I can do that, and I really do want to try. But, like I said, I need you to try too. If you really want to talk more, you can call me sometimes too. And if you really want to meet up with me when I'm in town, I hope you are willing to help me out. Most of the time, I don't have a car, so it's hard for me to go all the way to your place. Even if I do have a car, I've already driven 8 hours to get there, so I would appreciate if you would at least meet me halfway. I don't want to burdan my brothers everytime to drive me out anymore. Mike has two little babies and NIck is coming from far too.
If you are wondering why I chose to write this now, it's because of a lot of reasons. I'm graduating, and I didn't want you to thik that when I send you the announcement, I'm asking you for anything. But, it's times like this that I don't want you to miss. If you want to be my dad and I want to be your daughter, part of that is being there for the important times. I'm not expecting you to make the trip down here or anything, but I did want you to know. I want you to be there in the future when I get married, or have kids, or have other important times, and I want to be there for yours too.
You said to me that you are stubborn, well I am too, and I probably got that from you. But, if you want a relationship, don't you think being stubborn and not talking to each other is a silly way to go about that? We can keep doing this, but I'm trying to say that if you want to meet me halfway, I will meet you.
~Keiko"
I really cut it down from the original 15 page letter where I pointed out his failure as a father. I'm not expecting anything, but at least now I've done my part. Now to graduation!
~Keiko
Friday, April 15, 2011
I Have a New Nephew!
The long wait is finally over! Introducing my new baby nephew, Braden Russell Ogg, BRO for short. So now we have Bean and the BRO. He is an absolutely adorable little guy. I can't wait to meet him! My flight home leaves next Friday, and hopefully I will get to see him right after my dentist appointment. It's really kind of crazy to think that my brother has not one, but two children. He is 32 almost 33, so it's about right for his age, but I think it also really puts my age into perspective too. Well, as long as I keep looking young then I suppose I can't complain.
*sigh*....so cute. I've been thinking a lot about time lately. In my last blog, I went on a slight rant about people trying to plan your life around their schedule. Another thing lately has been that a lot of people tend to disrespect each other's time. When someone is making an effort to be with you, do not waste their time, however that may be. That means, being there but being elsewhere by always being on your phone, or making plans but then being completely unorganized with them, or even with work when your people give extra time to be there and you do not use it effectively. Time management is perhaps one of my biggest pet peeves. I have an incredibly busy life (by my own choice), and I know a lot of other people do too. So when you make things so busy that you can't handle all of the responsibilities that come along with that, then you are officially disrespecting the time of those involved in all of those activities with you.
On another time related note...time freaking flies! I'm 4 weeks from being done with school, and one week from visiting my family and 6 weeks from benefit, and it is next to impossible for me to fathom it all. And through all of this...I look at my little niece and see how big she has gotten. Where has all this time gone? Culture Shock's benefit show this year is loosely based off of Oh the Places You'll Go, by Dr. Seuss. I feel this so accutely because I'm starting to believe that there is no greater more unknown journey than graduating from college. Graduating from high school is a journey too, but you still have a general idea that you will go to school, make friends, and have a basic path to follow. The only path you have after graduation is...find a job. That could be anything, anywhere, and take who knows how long to find. What I'm beginning to discover is "The Waiting Place." Time has been moving so quickly lately, but I know, once I graduate, it will seem to stop as I wait to move on to the next phase of my life. I'm prepared for this, but god it gives you anxiety! I shall end with a narrative of Oh the Places You'll Go:
~Keiko
*sigh*....so cute. I've been thinking a lot about time lately. In my last blog, I went on a slight rant about people trying to plan your life around their schedule. Another thing lately has been that a lot of people tend to disrespect each other's time. When someone is making an effort to be with you, do not waste their time, however that may be. That means, being there but being elsewhere by always being on your phone, or making plans but then being completely unorganized with them, or even with work when your people give extra time to be there and you do not use it effectively. Time management is perhaps one of my biggest pet peeves. I have an incredibly busy life (by my own choice), and I know a lot of other people do too. So when you make things so busy that you can't handle all of the responsibilities that come along with that, then you are officially disrespecting the time of those involved in all of those activities with you.
On another time related note...time freaking flies! I'm 4 weeks from being done with school, and one week from visiting my family and 6 weeks from benefit, and it is next to impossible for me to fathom it all. And through all of this...I look at my little niece and see how big she has gotten. Where has all this time gone? Culture Shock's benefit show this year is loosely based off of Oh the Places You'll Go, by Dr. Seuss. I feel this so accutely because I'm starting to believe that there is no greater more unknown journey than graduating from college. Graduating from high school is a journey too, but you still have a general idea that you will go to school, make friends, and have a basic path to follow. The only path you have after graduation is...find a job. That could be anything, anywhere, and take who knows how long to find. What I'm beginning to discover is "The Waiting Place." Time has been moving so quickly lately, but I know, once I graduate, it will seem to stop as I wait to move on to the next phase of my life. I'm prepared for this, but god it gives you anxiety! I shall end with a narrative of Oh the Places You'll Go:
~Keiko
Monday, April 11, 2011
Guns, Cakes, and Intuition
This has really been one of the best birthday weeks of my life. It started out absolutely horrible, but in the end, I've never felt so loved by the people in my life who really matter. As I'm getting older, I'm trying to appreciate more the quality of my friends verses the quantity. So called "fair weather friends" generally serve to disappoint you. I have such a hectic busy schedule and so many passions in my life that I don't really have the emotional energy for people who do not equally participate in our friendship. Honestly, I will go out of my way to make time for my friends if they will make time for me, and I will always be there for the important times. But I'm not going to bother cultivating friendships or faking fun times with people who constantly flake out and are never there for the times that they know are really important to me.
I think people don't always see eye to eye on what the important times actually are. It's not about being there when YOU think it matters, but being there when the other person thinks it matters. You can't plan their important times around your schedule and act like you're being gracious enough to give them your time, and actually believe that's a real friendship. Regardless, it is people like that who have made me so incredibly grateful for people like my roommate. She really goes out of her way to make people happy. She threw me a birthday party on Saturday at her other house. It was also a house warming party for the new occupants, our friends Carla and Artson. I was so happy to just have a good time with a few people who are so down to earth, relaxed, and just overall loving people. That's the type of thing that I think really makes for a good birthday.
Sunday was an interesting day. My boyfriend and I went to do a mini movie for a friend. We were told we were going to be doing tricks and power for the action scenes, and our response was, "Cool! We'll get some good footage while having a good time." I have no words to really describe how this situation really turned out to be. We walked in and were surrounded by big guys with a ton of fake guns. Intimidating much? During the costume approval process, I had noted that they kind of wanted me to dress a little hookerish, which I commented would be hard to do power or tricks in. I really need not have worried. We ended up being there for about 3 hours, and all I did was a backslide and all my boyfriend did was a backspin. Then we fought over a gun, got shot, and died. It really felt like a huge waste of time and gas money to drive all the way out to LA for that. I would be happy to have done them a favor, but honestly, anyone could have done that, so in the future, I think I'll be mysteriously busy for this type of project. I'm sure it will all turn out well for them, and I can tell that they are very into doing this type of cheesy movie with too many graphics, but to each his own, and this is not my own. haha.
Last, my awesome little troupe buddies brought me more cakes and cookies than I should ever eat at one time. But I will...and I'll get fat....then I'll feel guilty and dance 3 times more to make up for it.
~Kameko
I think people don't always see eye to eye on what the important times actually are. It's not about being there when YOU think it matters, but being there when the other person thinks it matters. You can't plan their important times around your schedule and act like you're being gracious enough to give them your time, and actually believe that's a real friendship. Regardless, it is people like that who have made me so incredibly grateful for people like my roommate. She really goes out of her way to make people happy. She threw me a birthday party on Saturday at her other house. It was also a house warming party for the new occupants, our friends Carla and Artson. I was so happy to just have a good time with a few people who are so down to earth, relaxed, and just overall loving people. That's the type of thing that I think really makes for a good birthday.
Sunday was an interesting day. My boyfriend and I went to do a mini movie for a friend. We were told we were going to be doing tricks and power for the action scenes, and our response was, "Cool! We'll get some good footage while having a good time." I have no words to really describe how this situation really turned out to be. We walked in and were surrounded by big guys with a ton of fake guns. Intimidating much? During the costume approval process, I had noted that they kind of wanted me to dress a little hookerish, which I commented would be hard to do power or tricks in. I really need not have worried. We ended up being there for about 3 hours, and all I did was a backslide and all my boyfriend did was a backspin. Then we fought over a gun, got shot, and died. It really felt like a huge waste of time and gas money to drive all the way out to LA for that. I would be happy to have done them a favor, but honestly, anyone could have done that, so in the future, I think I'll be mysteriously busy for this type of project. I'm sure it will all turn out well for them, and I can tell that they are very into doing this type of cheesy movie with too many graphics, but to each his own, and this is not my own. haha.
Last, my awesome little troupe buddies brought me more cakes and cookies than I should ever eat at one time. But I will...and I'll get fat....then I'll feel guilty and dance 3 times more to make up for it.
~Kameko
Friday, April 8, 2011
Strange Dreams
Maybe it's the stress from nearly graduating. Maybe it's just the stress of life. I'm actually a very unstressed out person, if that makes any sense. Even when I say I'm stressed, I say it with a smile. So I guess my body has taken a new route to telling me that life is more turbulent than normal right now. I keep having these really weird vivid dreams. One night I dreamt I was in a school and a tornado picked me up. I kept thinking the whole time I was flying through the air, "eventually I'm going to crash! I'm going to crash into the ground!" And then I plummeted from the sky and woke up right as the school hit the ground. Another night I kept dreaming of people who have strong personality symbols for me like ignorance, stress, discipline. I think maybe I'm not disciplined enough. Most people would think I'm crazy even saying that because I'm pretty good at keeping very intricate time schedules, but I feel like half the time I don't have nearly as much energy as I would like.
But I've decided that I am going to reach a few specific goals. I'm thinking that by constantly focusing my energies into specific goals I might actually accomplish something. I'm basically trying to use "The Secret." At first it seems like kind of hard work, but now I CAN'T stop thinking about my goals. Every time I see something that makes me smile, I'm trying to make a mental note to be thankful for it. I'm trying to be more thankful for the people in my life who are REAL friends. And honestly, because of all this, I can really feel at least a little tiny shift in the way life feels. I have 2 main goals. 1) I want to get power moves, especially head spins and elbow spins. Basically upside down spinny moves. 2) I want to feel financially comfortable. AKA, I need to make more money to cover the recent expenses in life. I can see a lot of things just falling into place if I reach these two goals. Just to continue reinforcing the things I want.....
~Keiko
But I've decided that I am going to reach a few specific goals. I'm thinking that by constantly focusing my energies into specific goals I might actually accomplish something. I'm basically trying to use "The Secret." At first it seems like kind of hard work, but now I CAN'T stop thinking about my goals. Every time I see something that makes me smile, I'm trying to make a mental note to be thankful for it. I'm trying to be more thankful for the people in my life who are REAL friends. And honestly, because of all this, I can really feel at least a little tiny shift in the way life feels. I have 2 main goals. 1) I want to get power moves, especially head spins and elbow spins. Basically upside down spinny moves. 2) I want to feel financially comfortable. AKA, I need to make more money to cover the recent expenses in life. I can see a lot of things just falling into place if I reach these two goals. Just to continue reinforcing the things I want.....
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
I'm pretty terrible at updating this. Seriously, I had an online diary back in high school that I updated every day. I even had a handwritten diary for a while that I updated almost every day. Then life got depressing and writing out my emotional traumas had less appeal. Then I started here and I can hardly find time to regularily post. I don't feel that bad though, seeing as most of my friends that I follow are very much int he same boat.
I should probably start being more proactive about finding a real job for after I graduate. I really don't want a period of time when I'm in jobless limbo. No, I'd much prefer to feel some sense of security. I have some options, but until I'm signing a contract negotiating my salary and benefits, I won't feel at ease. That's probably a good thing. But seriously, I think 23 is an awful age. I'm turning 23 in less than a week and aside from graduation anxiety, I get the joys of knowing I will either have to figure out the paperwork to stay on my mom's healthcare plan, or wait till I get a job and hope I don't have any major injuries or illnesses till then. Hmm...I don't like option number 2. Regardless, I'm pretty sure all will work out for the best!
On other exciting notes, I got to meet the Rej3ctz and Audio Push a couple weeks ago. Being the director for a youth community service dance group has some serious perks. In reality, I wasn't excited to meet these guys at all. I'm not a fan of their music, but I have to listen to edited versions of it anyways because my little DARE kids like them so much. *sigh* Youth today is missing out on SO much good music for this crap. But I have to say the guys from the Rej3ctz were really really nice! They were so much fun to be around that I'd almost be willing to pay to see one of their shows. Almost. I've never been to a concert, and I'm not going to start with them. Maybe somewhere down the line if they don't turn out to be one hit wonders. Seeing as in 10 years I'm probably not going to remember their music, I will end this entry with their current hit.
~Keiko
I should probably start being more proactive about finding a real job for after I graduate. I really don't want a period of time when I'm in jobless limbo. No, I'd much prefer to feel some sense of security. I have some options, but until I'm signing a contract negotiating my salary and benefits, I won't feel at ease. That's probably a good thing. But seriously, I think 23 is an awful age. I'm turning 23 in less than a week and aside from graduation anxiety, I get the joys of knowing I will either have to figure out the paperwork to stay on my mom's healthcare plan, or wait till I get a job and hope I don't have any major injuries or illnesses till then. Hmm...I don't like option number 2. Regardless, I'm pretty sure all will work out for the best!
On other exciting notes, I got to meet the Rej3ctz and Audio Push a couple weeks ago. Being the director for a youth community service dance group has some serious perks. In reality, I wasn't excited to meet these guys at all. I'm not a fan of their music, but I have to listen to edited versions of it anyways because my little DARE kids like them so much. *sigh* Youth today is missing out on SO much good music for this crap. But I have to say the guys from the Rej3ctz were really really nice! They were so much fun to be around that I'd almost be willing to pay to see one of their shows. Almost. I've never been to a concert, and I'm not going to start with them. Maybe somewhere down the line if they don't turn out to be one hit wonders. Seeing as in 10 years I'm probably not going to remember their music, I will end this entry with their current hit.
~Keiko
Friday, February 4, 2011
Back in Session
I can't believe the second week of school has already finished. My last semester is really going to fly by. So far my professors are pretty kick ass, and I have a schedule (for the first time in years) that actually allows me to sleep periodically. It's weird though, I've been feeling kind of down lately. Mostly because of friends...or a lack of feeling many real connections. I guess I just have felt left out, which makes me feel lonely, which tends to make me feel down about other things in life.
Part of it is because I'm so busy all the time that it's hard to find time to do anything with people other than my boyfriend. Part of it is because even if I did have the time, I'm not sure who I would hang out with anyways. I have lots and lots of friends, but no one other than my roommate, who I'm really tight with. My birthday's in a couple months, but I just haven't had much urge to try and plan anything the last couple of years because I get my hopes up and not many people come through. I mean, I appreciate the friends who do come through very much, but still...I know part of that's my fault because a lot of the time when people make plans, I'm not available because I have to work or something. But sometimes I wonder, if I just quit everything and started doing something new, with new people, and completely disconnected myself from everything I know, would it be different? It certainly doesn't help knowing that there are people who really don't like me for the dumbest reasons. I know I shouldn't care, that those people honestly are kind of idiots, but it gets to you after a while. Especially when they all kind of gang up against you and become friends. I don't know. I'm just so over all the games and politics and favoritism that comes along with dancing. And when all my friends are dancers, it's next to impossible to escape those things. I sound like such a debbie downer right now. Enough of this.
I need a change though. I'm ready for life to start taking off.
~Keiko
Part of it is because I'm so busy all the time that it's hard to find time to do anything with people other than my boyfriend. Part of it is because even if I did have the time, I'm not sure who I would hang out with anyways. I have lots and lots of friends, but no one other than my roommate, who I'm really tight with. My birthday's in a couple months, but I just haven't had much urge to try and plan anything the last couple of years because I get my hopes up and not many people come through. I mean, I appreciate the friends who do come through very much, but still...I know part of that's my fault because a lot of the time when people make plans, I'm not available because I have to work or something. But sometimes I wonder, if I just quit everything and started doing something new, with new people, and completely disconnected myself from everything I know, would it be different? It certainly doesn't help knowing that there are people who really don't like me for the dumbest reasons. I know I shouldn't care, that those people honestly are kind of idiots, but it gets to you after a while. Especially when they all kind of gang up against you and become friends. I don't know. I'm just so over all the games and politics and favoritism that comes along with dancing. And when all my friends are dancers, it's next to impossible to escape those things. I sound like such a debbie downer right now. Enough of this.
I need a change though. I'm ready for life to start taking off.
~Keiko
Monday, January 10, 2011
New Years Goals and Objectives
I realized that the older I get, the more obsessive about organization and lists I become too. I just feel like, with so much going on in life, it's becoming next to impossible for me to remember all of the 2.5 billion things I need to do. If someone were to take a look at my bedroom they'd never guess that I'm becoming an organization maniac, but that's just because I don't have enough time to color code my socks and organize my books by Dewey Decimal code. Really, I'm not that crazy yet, but give me another 15 years and I might be.
Anyways, I made a bunch of New Years resolutions just before January 1st, but seeing as I didn't write them down anywhere, I just kept making a new resolution for every part of my daily routine that I want to change. Do resolutions work? I don't really think so. They put you in a good frame of mind and make you feel somewhatly obligated to keep them, but unless someone is behind you beating you with a stick every time you mess up, chances are you won't stick it out. That's why I rely on insurmountable guilt to help me along. If I make a list, and I fail to complete the list, I generally feel some sense of self loathing until I rectify the situation. I said I was a little crazy right? So here is goes:
Anyways, I made a bunch of New Years resolutions just before January 1st, but seeing as I didn't write them down anywhere, I just kept making a new resolution for every part of my daily routine that I want to change. Do resolutions work? I don't really think so. They put you in a good frame of mind and make you feel somewhatly obligated to keep them, but unless someone is behind you beating you with a stick every time you mess up, chances are you won't stick it out. That's why I rely on insurmountable guilt to help me along. If I make a list, and I fail to complete the list, I generally feel some sense of self loathing until I rectify the situation. I said I was a little crazy right? So here is goes:
- Go running at least 3 times a week.
- Develop my business into an actual legitimate resume building business.
- Publish and begin selling my designs by July 2011.
- Audition (and make it) into an Agency.
- Begin doing temp work in HR.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Vacation's Beautiful!
I can't believe Christmas is almost here! And I have totally failed at keeping my blog up to date. I've been crocheting so much that I'm doing it in my sleep. LITERALLY! Sometimes I feel my eyes close and I wake up and I'm still going! It's insanity. But that also means that business is going good and I have lots of orders to fulfill. I never thought things would be going this a year ago when I tentatively decided to try and sell hats. The funniest thing is how popular they've become! I guess I really got the jump on this, but all the other ones I've seen elsewhere look like someone took a stuffed animal, cut it in half, and stuffed it on someone's head. Lets compare below...way below since I can't get it to let me write underneath the slideshow.
I've gotten to spend a lot of time with my mom which has been great. It's funny how much more important it is for me to spend time with my family now that I hardly ever get to see them. I wonder if I'll still live in So Cal when I do decide to have kids. But NO KIDS FOR ME anytime soon.I'm just fine with only being an Aunt.
I'm pretty excited because I just realized I have health care for another 3 years after I turn 23. What that means for me is I'm going to have a chance to follow my dreams and actually try to dance. I had nearly given up on the idea of joining an agency or trying to be a back up dancer or anything like that. But I feel like, when you ask the universe for something and you really mean it, the world works out in your favor. I'm going to keep this dream alive for a little longer. ^_^
I've gotten to spend a lot of time with my mom which has been great. It's funny how much more important it is for me to spend time with my family now that I hardly ever get to see them. I wonder if I'll still live in So Cal when I do decide to have kids. But NO KIDS FOR ME anytime soon.I'm just fine with only being an Aunt.
I'm pretty excited because I just realized I have health care for another 3 years after I turn 23. What that means for me is I'm going to have a chance to follow my dreams and actually try to dance. I had nearly given up on the idea of joining an agency or trying to be a back up dancer or anything like that. But I feel like, when you ask the universe for something and you really mean it, the world works out in your favor. I'm going to keep this dream alive for a little longer. ^_^
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Listening
Yesterday, after walking out of a class I nearly knocked out in, I ran into a friend who looked about 2 seconds from jumping off a bridge. I sat down with him and asked if he was okay and ended up talking to him for a while just about the difficulties of being a dancer. His issues were more specific, but as a friend, it's not my place to disclose them all over the internet. The point is, being a dancer is a lot harder than most people think. Yes, you love what you do, and it's less like a job and more like fun. But in the end, you face constant rejection, never-ending self efficacy, and next to no social life outside of your passion. You lose a hell of a lot of friends because of your inability to participate in the real world, and keeping up a relationship is some kind of miracle. So is it worth it? For me, yes. If I couldn't dance every day, I'd probably be the one sitting on the bench looking like I was going to hang myself.
The hardest part is when you hit a slump. You feel like you're never getting better, and everyone around you is racing to their dreams, and here you are, unable to even get to step 2, let alone pursue any long term goals. For choreo dancers, I think it's even rougher. If you don't make the team you want to be on, you're temporarily family-less. Your team or company is like a huge group of brothers and sisters who understand you better than anyone, forgive the faults you share, and push you to become better. Without that, it feels like an endless monotony of classes that don't have any discernible purpose. This is one of many reasons I'm thankful to be a freestyler too.
When I hit a slump, my solution is to try working on things unrelated to what is currently frustrating me. If I hit a slump in Bgirling, I may focus on my Waacking for a while. If I hit a slump in choreography, I might push myself to do a style I'm not as comfortable in. I'm fortunate enough to have the ability to work through the challenges by doing other styles. I say fortunate, but really, I worked hard for that ability. I see the value in versatility, and yes...I may not get as good at any one thing as someone who focuses soley on one style, but I also never feel completely backed into a corner. The best advice anyone ever gave me is to "just listen to the music." The music tells you what it wants you to do and your body just interprets it. You can't dance for the people around you, or to prove something, or to win. If you just listen to the music, and dance for yourself, you will naturally achieve all those other goals. I hope I can keep learning to listen. I hope he can too.
~Keiko
The hardest part is when you hit a slump. You feel like you're never getting better, and everyone around you is racing to their dreams, and here you are, unable to even get to step 2, let alone pursue any long term goals. For choreo dancers, I think it's even rougher. If you don't make the team you want to be on, you're temporarily family-less. Your team or company is like a huge group of brothers and sisters who understand you better than anyone, forgive the faults you share, and push you to become better. Without that, it feels like an endless monotony of classes that don't have any discernible purpose. This is one of many reasons I'm thankful to be a freestyler too.
When I hit a slump, my solution is to try working on things unrelated to what is currently frustrating me. If I hit a slump in Bgirling, I may focus on my Waacking for a while. If I hit a slump in choreography, I might push myself to do a style I'm not as comfortable in. I'm fortunate enough to have the ability to work through the challenges by doing other styles. I say fortunate, but really, I worked hard for that ability. I see the value in versatility, and yes...I may not get as good at any one thing as someone who focuses soley on one style, but I also never feel completely backed into a corner. The best advice anyone ever gave me is to "just listen to the music." The music tells you what it wants you to do and your body just interprets it. You can't dance for the people around you, or to prove something, or to win. If you just listen to the music, and dance for yourself, you will naturally achieve all those other goals. I hope I can keep learning to listen. I hope he can too.
~Keiko
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Coffee Keeps Us Sane
So this morning on the Ryan Seacrest show (the only reason I listen to radio music), he began ranting about how his coffee tasted like crap today. People started calling in saying he was over reacting, that it was just coffee, that he shouldn't let it ruin his day. A few people spoke up in defense of coffee addicts and I agree completely with them.
I get up around the crack of dawn every morning, and if I don't have coffee or tea will seriously be cranky the rest of the day. I don't think it's even the caffeine in it! It's like most addicts where it's more about the action than the substance. You could probably give me a hot cup of orange juice and it wouldn't make a difference to me as long as I could peacefully sip it. Given...I don't think it would taste nearly as glorious as coffee. So for the poor sad souls who are forced up at 4 AM every day, I feel for them. I can only imagine what it must be like to have a terrible cup of hot flavored water given to me as a substitute for the good stuff. I would probably be threatening to fire my staff too...(if I had any staff). I would at least be very rude to the patrons walking in to work, or asleep on the floor hoping when I woke up it would be the next day and I could try for a decent cup of coffee all over again. Let us compare good coffees:
This coffee fully expresses my feelings towards it each morning. How can anyone say this doesn't look amazing????
Now this on the other hand looks like horse saliva. I don't think I need to say any more.
Fact is, like addicts of all kinds, coffee makes me happy. Coffee doesn't hurt you if not taken in excess, and it makes me much more alert and willing to do work. Dissing coffee is like a personal stab at my soul. So lets just all rejoice at this marvelous creation. ^_^
~Keiko
I get up around the crack of dawn every morning, and if I don't have coffee or tea will seriously be cranky the rest of the day. I don't think it's even the caffeine in it! It's like most addicts where it's more about the action than the substance. You could probably give me a hot cup of orange juice and it wouldn't make a difference to me as long as I could peacefully sip it. Given...I don't think it would taste nearly as glorious as coffee. So for the poor sad souls who are forced up at 4 AM every day, I feel for them. I can only imagine what it must be like to have a terrible cup of hot flavored water given to me as a substitute for the good stuff. I would probably be threatening to fire my staff too...(if I had any staff). I would at least be very rude to the patrons walking in to work, or asleep on the floor hoping when I woke up it would be the next day and I could try for a decent cup of coffee all over again. Let us compare good coffees:
Fact is, like addicts of all kinds, coffee makes me happy. Coffee doesn't hurt you if not taken in excess, and it makes me much more alert and willing to do work. Dissing coffee is like a personal stab at my soul. So lets just all rejoice at this marvelous creation. ^_^
~Keiko
Monday, October 4, 2010
Bboy Summit, Roscoe's, and Group Projects
So I got to go to the infamous Bboy Summit on Saturday. I heard the cyphers on Friday were totally raw, and I heard the battles on Sunday were...alright. Saturday was fun I suppose. I'm kind of surprised to be honest at the way it was organized. They kept breaking up the cyphers that were going to have 15 minute workshops in various styles. I mean, having workshops is dope, but when you get a good cypher going, breaking it up kind of kills the vibe. Got a lot of dope t-shirts though!
We went to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles afterwards. Apparently it's some kind of sacrilege that I've lived in Long Beach for four years and I've never gone to this restaurant. We went to the one in LA, and it was pretty damn good. But seriously, how can you really go wrong with roughly 3 million calories drenched in syrup on a plate? I never thought fried chicken and syrup would taste good together, but I have since been corrected. Would I eat there every day? Hell no. Only if I want to become a hippo. But it was quite tasty.
Now I face the joy of a group project. I hate group projects as it is. I mean...I can usually do this stuff much better by myself and I usually get screwed over in one way or another with group projects. Looks like I shouldn't try getting a job at a team-based company like Google. On this particular project, our professor has done next to nothing to explain it, given us the most minimal of directions, and put us in to groups too big to be feasible for something like this. On top of all that, he refuses to let us use conventional methods of communication. Which means, Google Docs. Not a bad application or anything, but seriously a pain in the neck if you don't want to use a google email address. So when I'm the one who has to put this whole dealio together and I can't even get into the damn group, it gets a tad frustrating. F*** group projects.
~Keiko
We went to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles afterwards. Apparently it's some kind of sacrilege that I've lived in Long Beach for four years and I've never gone to this restaurant. We went to the one in LA, and it was pretty damn good. But seriously, how can you really go wrong with roughly 3 million calories drenched in syrup on a plate? I never thought fried chicken and syrup would taste good together, but I have since been corrected. Would I eat there every day? Hell no. Only if I want to become a hippo. But it was quite tasty.
Now I face the joy of a group project. I hate group projects as it is. I mean...I can usually do this stuff much better by myself and I usually get screwed over in one way or another with group projects. Looks like I shouldn't try getting a job at a team-based company like Google. On this particular project, our professor has done next to nothing to explain it, given us the most minimal of directions, and put us in to groups too big to be feasible for something like this. On top of all that, he refuses to let us use conventional methods of communication. Which means, Google Docs. Not a bad application or anything, but seriously a pain in the neck if you don't want to use a google email address. So when I'm the one who has to put this whole dealio together and I can't even get into the damn group, it gets a tad frustrating. F*** group projects.
~Keiko
Friday, October 1, 2010
Christmas is Coming!
Well, only for those of us who have to plan our businesses accordingly. I just know what's going to happen already. I'm going to get about 20 people asking for orders about a month before Christmas. I know it's hard to figure out what the hell to get people for Christmas, but this is one time when I wish everyone would just plan ahead for my sanity at least. haha. I sure as hell am NOT pulling any all nighters for an extra $25.
Basically, I'm trying to start my own business. I'm not positive how serious I want to get about it because it is a lot of work, but I love doing it anyways. Plus, it's a great thing to have on my resume. I've been going by K.O. Designs since last February, but I recently decided to do a name change once I officially get things going. One reason is because there are several Graphic Design companies and one other person who does what I do with the same name. The other reason is...my new name is so much cuter...*hint.* ^_^ I shall not disclose what it is because I don't want someone to steal it, but it's going to be awesome! Here are some pictures of what I do! >_<
~Keiko
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Training New Things
So...*knock on wood* ... the new job I've started training for is really not that hard. Thus far it's basically like a cross between being a secretary and an intern with a lot of extra time to read. Seriously, I nearly finished about 150 pages of my book yesterday. Yay for mind cultivation! I'm hoping it gives me a lead into something better eventually that can get me experience in my major.
The last weekend was absolutely incredible. From the benefit show to Battle Swagger, I pretty much felt a state of bliss. Benefit went amazingly well. When we rewatched the video, everything was so in sync and you could tell we were all really into our parts. I can really see the difference between how I dance now vs. how I was dancing a year ago. Saturday night we had the end of the year banquet. Most of us were pretty drunk by the time we started giving awards, but that just made them even better. I feel really honored to get the "Unsung Hero Award." The last year was definitely a crazy amount of work, but I would gladly do it again. It makes me hella stoked for next season!
Sunday, I battled with my girls Lacy and Duck-e at Battle Swagger. After watching the videos, I see how much more I need to train. I was so much weaker than I could have been. But in the end I'm super proud of us. We advanced to top 16 and got to battle Last For One. Think I kind of died and went to heaven there. I know, fan girl moment, sue me.
~Keiko
P.S. I cut off my hair. I now have pretty short hair above my shoulders. I'm not sure I like it so much anymore. Oh well. It will grow back.
The last weekend was absolutely incredible. From the benefit show to Battle Swagger, I pretty much felt a state of bliss. Benefit went amazingly well. When we rewatched the video, everything was so in sync and you could tell we were all really into our parts. I can really see the difference between how I dance now vs. how I was dancing a year ago. Saturday night we had the end of the year banquet. Most of us were pretty drunk by the time we started giving awards, but that just made them even better. I feel really honored to get the "Unsung Hero Award." The last year was definitely a crazy amount of work, but I would gladly do it again. It makes me hella stoked for next season!
Sunday, I battled with my girls Lacy and Duck-e at Battle Swagger. After watching the videos, I see how much more I need to train. I was so much weaker than I could have been. But in the end I'm super proud of us. We advanced to top 16 and got to battle Last For One. Think I kind of died and went to heaven there. I know, fan girl moment, sue me.
~Keiko
P.S. I cut off my hair. I now have pretty short hair above my shoulders. I'm not sure I like it so much anymore. Oh well. It will grow back.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Ending Summer with a New Journal Spot
So I have succumb to Blogspot. Really, it was only a matter of time seeing as Xanga was pre-Myspace, and we all know Myspace is the graveyard of social networking sites. Besides, what better time to start writing again than right before starting my last year of college? School is officially one and a half weeks away. I say that that is total bullshit considering I don't recall getting to enjoy a summer. What with working all day and dancing all night...I'm really confused as to what this summer thing actually is. Don't get me wrong. I love my life and its non-stop "I'm going to collapse at any moment"-ness, but it does get a bit exhausting.
At any rate, this should be a pretty interesting year. It should be exciting, starting new jobs, trying to get an internship, graduating, and desperately hoping that the job market gods are rallying in my favor as I head into the world of the post grad.
But today is just an ordinary day at the school library. We have our usual crazy people who either try and hit on me or assault me. Tons of incoming freshmen. And my awesome coworker who keeps me awake, as I have only gotten 4 hours of sleep. As much as I look forward to Friday because it means Culture Shock finally gets to perform the show we've been working so hard on, I'm probably even more excited for the fact that afterwards I'll get to be reacquainted with my bed. I have a message I would like to send to my bed: "It has been a while. I miss you terribly." But like all things that require a lot of hard work, this will be totally worth it.
~Keiko
At any rate, this should be a pretty interesting year. It should be exciting, starting new jobs, trying to get an internship, graduating, and desperately hoping that the job market gods are rallying in my favor as I head into the world of the post grad.
But today is just an ordinary day at the school library. We have our usual crazy people who either try and hit on me or assault me. Tons of incoming freshmen. And my awesome coworker who keeps me awake, as I have only gotten 4 hours of sleep. As much as I look forward to Friday because it means Culture Shock finally gets to perform the show we've been working so hard on, I'm probably even more excited for the fact that afterwards I'll get to be reacquainted with my bed. I have a message I would like to send to my bed: "It has been a while. I miss you terribly." But like all things that require a lot of hard work, this will be totally worth it.
~Keiko
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