I can't believe the second week of school has already finished. My last semester is really going to fly by. So far my professors are pretty kick ass, and I have a schedule (for the first time in years) that actually allows me to sleep periodically. It's weird though, I've been feeling kind of down lately. Mostly because of friends...or a lack of feeling many real connections. I guess I just have felt left out, which makes me feel lonely, which tends to make me feel down about other things in life.
Part of it is because I'm so busy all the time that it's hard to find time to do anything with people other than my boyfriend. Part of it is because even if I did have the time, I'm not sure who I would hang out with anyways. I have lots and lots of friends, but no one other than my roommate, who I'm really tight with. My birthday's in a couple months, but I just haven't had much urge to try and plan anything the last couple of years because I get my hopes up and not many people come through. I mean, I appreciate the friends who do come through very much, but still...I know part of that's my fault because a lot of the time when people make plans, I'm not available because I have to work or something. But sometimes I wonder, if I just quit everything and started doing something new, with new people, and completely disconnected myself from everything I know, would it be different? It certainly doesn't help knowing that there are people who really don't like me for the dumbest reasons. I know I shouldn't care, that those people honestly are kind of idiots, but it gets to you after a while. Especially when they all kind of gang up against you and become friends. I don't know. I'm just so over all the games and politics and favoritism that comes along with dancing. And when all my friends are dancers, it's next to impossible to escape those things. I sound like such a debbie downer right now. Enough of this.
I need a change though. I'm ready for life to start taking off.
~Keiko
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